October and November
In late January I wrote a short post that I had not been active because I had become ill. It turned out to be a rather serious illness which I am still dealing with. Discussing my illness I feel can help people to improve their mental status in developing their business.
In early October I became sicker then I have ever been in my life. The day before I had my annual flu shot and I thought that maybe it was a side affect of that. It felt like I had a one ton weight on top of me. I had no energy, and no appetite. For a week I laid around and ate nothing before finally going to the doctor.
His opinion was that I had a sinus infection and gave me a strong cough medicine and an antibiotic. After the visit I went home thinking that in a short time I would be feeling better. I WAS WRONG. For the ten days I took the antibiotic and didn’t get better. My appetite was non existent, and I continued to feel horrible. Once again I went back to the doctor, and I got a stronger antibiotic. I went home with renewed hope that I would get better, but was wrong again. Still I felt horrible, with no strength, no ambition, and no appetite Boy was I discouraged. It was plain that my doctors efforts weren’t working and I didn’t know what to do. It was a low point. I had never been so sick, and I was losing weight rapidly
In late November I was going down the stairs from my bedroom and towards the bottom I fell and hit the floor hard. I tried to get up, but I was so weak I couldn’t do it. I was laying on my back and couldn’t even role over to help me get up. My wife was trying to give me directions and they didn’t help. Laying there it was a helpless feeling because I couldn’t get off my back. Finally we called 911 and three burly firemen came and lifted me up. Once up I could stand, but after that I slept downstairs. One night I was trying to get from the downstairs bed to a chair and I fell again and couldn’t get up. For the rest of the night I laid between the chair and a table unable to do anything to help myself until my wife got up. That was scary. I was helpless.l I could take care of myself
The following Saturday I was in our den and once more I fell, and couldn’t get up. Again we called 911, and the ambulance came. This time my wife said take him to the hospital. The firemen loaded me on a gurney put me in the ambulance, and took me to the hospital.
I don’t have a lot of recollection of my time in the emergency room. My wife told me that one of the doctors said I was a pretty sick man. My kidneys weren’t working, I had pneumonia and after a CT scan the doctors said I had two enlarged lymph nods. They admitted me to the hospital where I stated for a week.
From 12/3 to 12/6 I was in the hospital while they tried to figure out what was wrong with me. My kidneys weren’t working right, and I had to ask permission to go to the bathroom. One night I spent the whole night laying in bed coughing. To say the least I was having to work to keep a positive frame of mind. I wasn’t scared just very weary, and getting more and more discouraged. The other thing is that it was extremely degrading.
On 12/6 the doctor came in and said that I had lymphoma. There were three options:
- one I would get well with out problem
- two they could give me 12 years of remission
- three there was a treatment but a poor outlook.
He said I could go home, after I had a bone marrow biopsy and an echocardigram.
The Week of Worry`
After the two tests I went home. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed, and be in my own home. Even so for the next week I had to wait for the results of my bone marrow biopsy to see which type of Lymphoma I had. It was a pretty difficult week trying to have a positive frame of mind. Thought of, “what if I have the bad kind of Lymphoma.” ” What will my wife do if I’m gone.” “How are we going to pay for this.” I talked to my pastor and worked hard to keep these bad thoughts out of my head. It wasn’t easy, but I had success in controlling my thoughts.
The Appointment the Oncologist
Finally the day of the oncologist appointment came and my wife drove me to his office. (With my dizziness I couldn’t drive.) The first thing the doctor said was, “death is off the table.” It was like my favorite team just won the Super Bowl. I was free of the weight of a boulder on my shoulders.
After that we discussed the treatment for my cancer. Six chemo treatments that would occur every three weeks. He said I would feel sick the day after the treatment but would feel OK after that. I would lose my hair after the fourth treatment. After the six treatment I would have a test to verify the cancer was gone. If not more treatments.
You don’t just go and start Chemo Therapy. You have to go through various tests to see if you are able to handle the treatments. I had a baseline PET scan so they had something to base my improvement. Also I had to have a surgeon put in a port. A surgeon makes two incisions in your chest and inserts an appliance. The appliance is where the medicine goes in during infusion.
The surgeon and I talked about a malignant blood vessel tumor I had when I was a teenager. He asked if I had radiation and I said no it was 1961 when I had it. His comment, “your lucky you are alive.” Whoa that was like a punch in the nose. In the 56 years since removal I never had any thought that it could had killed me. Once again I had to work on my mind set to calm down after that bit of information.
I have had four treatments so far and feel good. The hardest part is keeping your mind positive. I have had more needle sticks to draw blood that I am afraid that if I drink something I’ll leak like a fountain. On 3/1 I have another PET scan to see how I am doing, and meet with the the doctor on 3/3 to get the results. I am optimistic because I do feel good. MY blood count is up so I can go out without a mask, and I am able to do almost anything.
My biggest issue now is my diet. With my kidney issues I have to have a special diet. There are more things you can’t eat then you can. It is not good but you have to live with it. Not being able to eat your favorite foods it is difficult to look forward to meals. It was a downer, but I had to keep my thoughts positive. When I am cured the kidney situation should go away.